Thrifty and Practical

5 weird things I wish I was paid to do

Last week I wrote 5 Secret Confessions in which I detailed things I really can’t stand doing and need intense self-bribing in order to accomplish. This week, I dive into the weird, slightly OCD things I wish I was paid to do. This is a non-exhaustive list so no judging.

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Read books

Can someone please pay me to read books – not any and every book, just the books I’m interested in reading and enjoy reading. My “to-read” pile is ever growing and increasing while my time to read is quickly diminishing.

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Purge and organize

Ask anyone in my closest sphere of family and friends and they will probably share their traumatic April-induced-purging experience with you. Something in me rises up when there are piles and boxes and corners full of disorganized, untidy messes. Growing up, my sisters definitely felt the brunt of this passion. Is it too late to apologize? Either way, leave me alone with an untidy mess and nothing will give me more satisfaction than bringing order to that room – at the expense of throwing too many things away! Can I pre-apologize to my kids and all they will have to endure?

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Eat salt & vinegar chips

They’re not healthy and I’m fully aware of that, but open that bag, my mouth starts to water, and I eat those like it’s my job. Is there such a thing as a paid taste tester of salt & vinegar chips? I’m pretty sure I qualify as a connoisseur with the amount of times my tongue and the roof of my mouth have become raw from consumption. Side note: my sister and I used to have apple cider vinegar drinking competitions to see who could stomach the most before ending up in the fetal position rolling on the floor in pain.

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Be paid to buy every cute paper product at Target, Paperchase, and any other stationary stores

No one knows or understands the agony of following me around Target or any other store with beautiful paper products better than my long-suffering and patient husband. During our time in the UK, Josh was legitimately justified in complaining about the amount of time spent at Paperchase. Rather than exploring more sites or soaking in the culture, I went to this haven for notebook, sticky note, clipboard loving 4 times in 5 days. It’s a serious problem, friends.

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Take naps

I wish I could place all the blame on my kids for my love of naps, but honestly, since college I’ve wished to become a professional napper. The problem is, I also love reading (see paragraph above) and purging and organizing (also see paragraph above). These two other obsessions often find find themselves in direct conflict with my deep love of napping. If I were paid to do each of these things, I could easily fit them all into my day and every problem would be solved. Can I get an amen?

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Thrifty and Practical · Uncategorized

5 Secret Confessions

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Half agonizing, half hoping that certain mundane things in life will take care of themselves.

There are certain things I love the result of but not the process of doing. Sometimes I have to bribe myself, trick myself, or challenge myself just to push past my eccentric distaste for doing these basic adult tasks. Please tell me I’m not the only one who would pay someone else to do these things if you had the money to spare!

Making phone calls

If you ever leave me a voicemail, please do not take it personally if I don’t respond. I have the hardest time in the world making phone calls. Calling someone as simple as the doctor’s office or a list of companies for quotes on a project will always drop to the bottom of my to-do list. What usually happens is I wait until the absolute last minute, deadline crunching moment before picking up the phone to call. Can we just have a texting option, please? Kidding! I’m trying to grow in it, but man, that phone just intimidates me for no good reason.

Responding to personal emails

Every time I get a personal email from a good friend living elsewhere, I read it and immediately start thinking of what I’ll say in my response. Then, I leave that email in my (obnoxiously clean and spare) inbox unanswered for sometimes MONTHS on end. It sits there as I go through and respond to bills or other mundane yet essential to clear communication emails. Here’s the thing, I want to sit down and write a thoughtful and meaningful response which takes time, but whenever I have the time I avoid it while still thinking about it and feeling super guilty. Go figure? I’m sure there’s some psychologist out there who can explain this phenomenon to me.

Cleaning toilets (bathrooms in general)

If there is one thing I avoid like the plague it’s cleaning the toilet (and anything else bathroom related). I will leave it until it’s one step away from stuff growing in the toilet. Just being honest. Maybe I should start asking for unlimited bathroom cleanings for Christmas and birthdays. Either way, I love the result of a sparkling clean bathroom, but can’t stand the process it takes to get there. Maybe I need a massive revelation on the ritual of cleaning. Or maybe I just need to train my kids to love cleaning bathrooms…

Blow drying and doing my hair

Friends, since middle school when everyone fell in love with hair products and styling methods, I’ve struggled. I’ve mostly struggled because while I love how my hair looks when I pay attention to it, I’d prefer to do anything but spend more than 2 minutes on my hair in the morning. I’m not sure what this says about me as a person. But since my hair is somewhat curly and quite often frizzy if it’s left unattended to it’s almost always in a ponytail, which we all know is the most fashionable thing since sliced bread. Can I get an amen?

Painting (or any other crafty, do-it-yourself home project) 

Where do I even begin with this one? Let’s just say, I like beautiful rooms and appreciate finished spaces. I’ve definitely been bitten by the HGTV bug and wanted to repaint, repair, and refurbish everything in sight. The thing is, painting, repairing, and refurbishing bring me absolutely no joy until the project is actually finished. This usually leads to me impatiently rushing through the process, so rather than producing something of really good quality, the product is just decent. Do I need to grow in this or just shake it off and embrace the fact I’m not a project person?

Next week’s post: The Top 5 Things I Wish People Paid Me to Do.